Likes Don’t Pay the Bills

Your campaign was a success—until someone asked for results.

Author

Martin Varshev
March 23, 2025 • Estimated Reading Time: 6 minutes

Hey,

Every month, we lie. Me included.

We dress the data up, apply makeup, and hope no one asks tough questions.

We’re all guilty of sugarcoating reports—and it’s killing marketing effectiveness. Because when we measure the wrong things we make the wrong decisions.

The Monthly Masquerade

I saw a campaign labeled a “success” because it racked up 500,000 views.

No one asked if anyone clicked. Or bought. Or gave a damn.

People call this “awareness.” I call it what it is: a lie.

Agencies are incentivized to please, not inform. Clients chase graphs that go up - regardless of whether they lead anywhere - just so they can report good news up the food chain.

the_data_department. “The Most Motivational Business Report : R/Funny,” n.d. https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/loekc8/the_most_motivational_business_report/?rdt=52646.

From billboards boasting “reach” to TikToks inflating “views,” the game is the same: make noise, not results.

Here’s the harsh truth: it doesn’t matter how many people saw your ad. It matters how many opened their wallets because of it.

What the Hell Are Vanity Metrics?

Vanity metrics make you look good without telling you if you did good.

They’re fluff - easy to chase, easy to fake, and worthless when it comes to real decisions. When I call them fake, I don’t mean fabricated—I mean meaningless.

  • You want reach? I’ll boost your post to hit thousands.

  • You want frequency? I’ll crank up impressions until your ad stalks people in their sleep.

  • You want page likes? Easy. I can get them for pennies.

Just don’t expect any of it to lead to actual sales. Sad, right? But true.

Yes, not every channel lets you track clicks and conversions. And yes, frequency matters. But in the 25th year of the 21st century, we should be done using excuses to justify laziness.

Why We Keep Using Them

  1. Simple. They’re easy.

  2. They look great in meetings.

  3. And no one wants to be the person explaining bad news.

Let’s be honest: platforms highlight the metrics that make them money, not you.

Even in traditional media, this game exists.

I’ve never seen a TV station admit their ratings suck. The median age of their audience? 64.6 years old (the Changing Face of TV Viewers Now 64.6...are Advertisers and Programming Going to Take Notice? | LinkedIn,” January 28, 2025. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/changing-face-tv-viewers-now-646are-advertisers-going-vicki-thomas-whrae/). 

But somehow, they still pitch themselves as the media with the strongest buying power on Earth. It’s like selling a flip phone as the future of tech.

OOH “reach”? Based on a formula from traffic patterns. We’re in the AI era and we still can’t calculate real impact? Please.

The Damage Done

Nike doesn’t care if you liked their post. They care if you bought the shoes. Your business should too.

When you chase vanity, here’s what happens:

  • Budgets get burned on feel-good fluff.

  • Strategies are built on fake confidence.

  • CMOs and ad agencies get fired after “successful” campaigns deliver zero ROI.

We’ve built marketing dashboards for dopamine, not direction.

What Actually Matters

Every time I write about this, I change my mind—because real measurement evolves. But here’s where I stand right now:

Saves & Shares
Signals that your content has value. Can’t tie it directly to revenue - but it helps feed the top of the funnel.

Community Engagement vs. Raw Reach
Tells you if you’re building actual brand fans, not just being seen. Helpful for brand lift, not direct sales.

CTR from Organic Posts/Stories
Shows how well your unpaid content drives action. Free traffic is great—but volume is usually low. Still, good signal of content health and relevance.

Website Clicks (Not Profile Visits)
Movement from platform to owned property = intent. This is where traffic becomes trackable. Still early-stage, but important for funnel flow.

CTR on Final-Step CTAs
Measures how compelling your message is at the point of action. Low CTR here = wasted spend, no matter how good the creative.

Conversion Rate (Per Platform)
Shows what actually converts, not just drives traffic. Platform-specific data drives better budget allocation.

Cost per Qualified Lead or Sale
Tells you how expensive it is to attract someone who matters. You can buy 1,000 leads cheap, or 10 that actually close. Guess which one scales profitably.

CAC (Customer Acquisition Cost)
Your cost to acquire a customer must be lower than their lifetime value. The most straightforward measure of marketing efficiency. High CAC = broken funnel or broken offer.

ROAS (Return on Ad Spend)
Nothing else matters if this is negative. Revenue in, revenue out. The core of sustainable marketing.

Today I ended up at KFC. Totally unplanned.

Why? A strategically placed OOH ad on the ring road with a clear, targeted offer.

Nothing groundbreaking creatively—but it worked. That KFC was the busiest I’ve ever seen it.

The question is: will they measure actual sales… or just count how many cars drove past?

See you next week,

Marti

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